Performative Femininity

There’s a kind of nostalgia making the rounds these days. You can find it on podcasts, in Instagram reels, or tucked inside conservative devotionals for women. It speaks softly, smiles sweetly, and tells women that if they want to please God, they need to go back. Back to the kitchen, back to the sewing machine, back to an imagined domestic past. It’s called the “trad wife” movement, and it has an aesthetic: linen aprons, sourdough starters, and soft-lit videos about submission. And it has a script: submit, serve, stay silent.

But here is the thing. There is nothing wrong with building a home, loving your husband, raising children, or finding joy in daily rhythms. These are sacred callings. Scripture never mocks the home. It blesses it. A woman who nourishes others protects what is good and shows hospitality; she is praised across both Testaments. We should honor her.

Titus 2.3-5 urges older women to train the younger “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” These are not small things. They are beautiful. But when a good gift becomes the only blueprint for maturity, something is lost. When we trade discipleship for performance and wisdom for image, women are not growing. They are shrinking.

The “trad wife” myth does not offer a vision of holiness. It offers a role to perform. And if a woman does not fit it; if she is single, childless, outspoken, leading, teaching, or working outside the home, she is subtly told that she is outside of God’s design. That her faithfulness is suspect. That her life is somehow less.

But the God of Scripture tells bigger stories.

He called Deborah to lead Israel with wisdom and courage (Judges 4.4-5). She was a prophetess and judge, and all Israel came to her for counsel and guidance. He gave Priscilla and Aquila the wisdom to teach Apollos more accurately the way of God (Acts 18.26), and Priscilla’s name is often listed first. He opened Lydia’s heart to believe the gospel and then used her to support and house the church in Philippi (Acts 16.14–15, 40). He honored Ruth’s faith and boldness, not her silence or domestic skill. He commended Phoebe, “a servant of the church at Cenchreae,” and told the church in Rome to “help her in whatever she may need” (Romans 16.1–2). He called Anna a prophetess who worshiped day and night, fasting and praying, and then gave her the joy of proclaiming the arrival of the Messiah (Luke 2.36–38).

None of these women were praised for their ability to maintain a perfect household. They were commended for faith, wisdom, courage, and devotion. They did not all share the same roles, but they shared the same calling, to belong to God and to serve him faithfully.

So yes, honor the mother who wakes early and serves well. Bless the wife who builds peace in her home. But do not mistake one form of obedience for the whole of discipleship. Do not confuse modesty with silence or domesticity with submission. God’s design is not a costume to wear. It is a calling to grow into.

Christian maturity (whether in men or women) is not about fitting a role. It is about becoming like Christ. Paul writes, “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son” (Romans 8.29). That means listening, learning, repenting, serving, and being brave. That means wisdom, faith, and love. That means walking wherever Jesus leads, even if it does not look like a filtered reel from 1957.

If you have been shaped by the myth, judged by it, or quietly wondered if you are doing it all wrong because your story does not look like hers, you are not alone. And you are not failing. God is not looking for the perfect wife from a vintage magazine. He is seeking women of faith, courage, and grace, shaped by His Word and led by His Spirit.

The call is the same for all of us. Follow Jesus. That is the tradition worth keeping.

~PW 🌮🛶‌