Marriage Is for Both of You

Marriage is not about one person getting their way. It is not about power or control. It is not about managing emotions to keep the peace. It is about two people learning to walk with Christ by the way they treat each other.

The Bible does not teach that leadership in the home means telling someone what to do. Leadership in Jesus’s way is never about control. Jesus washed feet, welcomed children, bore burdens, and laid down His life. That is the pattern for husbands. That is the pattern for all of us.

Paul writes, “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5.21 ESV). That is where the conversation begins, not with who gets the final say, but with who is willing to go first in love.

Yes, the Bible calls wives to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5.22), but this is not about silence or invisibility. It is a response to a husband already laying down his life. And the word also calls husbands to submit to the needs of their wives, to love them as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5.25), and to live with them “in an understanding way, showing honor” (1 Peter 3.7). That is not one-sided sacrifice. That is mutual faithfulness.

If a husband uses the word “leadership” to justify control, he is not leading in the way of Christ. And if either spouse feels small or unheard in their marriage, something has gone wrong. These roles are not weapons. They are invitations to reflect Jesus in how we speak, listen, serve, and forgive.

In Extreme Ownership, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin describe real leadership as taking full responsibility for everything in your sphere of influence. No blaming. No excuses. No pointing fingers. That principle works in combat, in business, and in marriage. A healthy marriage is not built by waiting for your spouse to go first. It is built when both people say, “I will take ownership of what God has called me to do.”

If you want peace in your home, stop managing each other and start imitating Christ. Speak gently. Say what you mean. Own your tone. Confess your faults. Forgive without keeping score. Choose faithfulness over defensiveness.

Marriage is not for spectators. It is for people willing to keep showing up and pouring themselves out. Not because the other person is always easy to love, but because Jesus has already shown us how.

The way forward is not about asserting your role. It is about embodying the character of Jesus. He didn’t wait for us to get it right before He loved us. He went first. That is what marriage needs. Two people who keep going first. Two people who stay when it’s hard. Two people who choose the cross over control.

Marriage is for both of you. And when both follow Jesus, love becomes more than a feeling. It becomes a daily act of worship.

~PW 🌮🛶‌