Over the past few years, conversations about masculinity in the church have taken some troubling turns. It’s not uncommon to hear claims that churches alienate men, stifle their leadership, or cater exclusively to women. These ideas aren’t just floating around in quiet corners, they have been championed by well-known voices like Mark Driscoll, Doug Wilson, and even Jordan Peterson. At first glance, these critiques might seem to hold water. But when you look closer, they often reflect a reactionary stance rather than a gospel-centered understanding of what it means to be a man.
Masculinity Under Attack?
Let’s start with the heart of these critiques. The argument goes like this: modern churches have become “feminized.” They’re said to focus on emotions, relationships, and aesthetics that resonate more with women. Conversely, men feel out of place, under appreciated, or even blamed for the world’s problems. Mark Driscoll once put it bluntly, urging men to “man up” and reject cultural softness. Doug Wilson has described the church as bowing to feminist ideals. And Jordan Peterson, has popularized the idea of reclaiming order and responsibility in a chaotic world.
At their core, these critiques touch on some real frustrations. But they often fall into the trap of overcorrection. Instead of calling men to the humility and strength of Jesus, they paint masculinity in terms of dominance and control—values that do not align with the gospel. When masculinity becomes about reclaiming power, it drifts dangerously from what Scripture teaches.
The Biblical Vision for Manhood
If you want to understand biblical masculinity, you have to look at Jesus. He is, after all, the ultimate picture of what it means to live fully human—male or female. When Paul talks about how husbands should treat their wives in Ephesians 5:25, he doesn’t tell them to rule or dominate. He says to love their wives as Christ loved the church, giving Himself up for her. This isn’t a call to power. It’s a call to sacrifice.
Many modern masculinity movements miss the mark. They frame men as victims, alienated by churches and culture, but the Bible calls men to responsibility. It starts in Genesis 2:15, where Adam is placed in the garden to “work it and keep it.” That language isn’t about control; it’s about stewardship—caring for something that ultimately belongs to God.
Then there’s the concept of headship, which often gets misunderstood. In 1 Corinthians 11:3, Paul says, “The head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” This isn’t about hierarchy, for hierarchy’s sake. Look at how Jesus submits to the Father in John 5:19. His submission isn’t weakness; it’s strength, rooted in trust and love. Biblical headship calls men to lead like Jesus, with humility and service at the forefront.
Where the Critique Falls Short
One of the most troubling aspects of this “masculinity under attack” rhetoric is the way it shifts blame. Some men argue that they struggle to find spouses or meaningful relationships because churches cater too much to women. This logic is flawed on multiple levels.
Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” The language suggests that finding a spouse requires action—seeking, pursuing, and being ready for that kind of relationship. Blaming external factors like church culture doesn’t account for personal growth. Are you someone who reflects Christ’s character? Do you love sacrificially, forgive freely, and build others up? Those qualities matter far more in a relationship than whether the church sings too many soft songs.
A Better Way Forward
If modern masculinity movements fall short, what’s the alternative? The answer isn’t complicated, but it does require humility. The Bible calls on men to embrace their identity in Christ and live it out in every aspect of life.
- Start with the Heart: 2 Peter 1:5-7 challenges believers to grow in qualities like faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love. These aren’t just abstract ideas. They’re the building blocks of strong, godly character.
- Lead by Serving: In Matthew 20:26-28, Jesus tells His disciples, “Whoever would be great among you must be your servant… even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”Leadership in the kingdom of God looks like service, not dominance.
- Pursue Reconciliation: Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and a shared commitment to Christ. Colossians 3:19 reminds husbands not to be harsh with their wives, while 1 Peter 3:7 calls them to live with their wives understandingly. These verses don’t just apply to marriage—they speak to how men should approach all relationships with grace and humility.
What the Church Can Do
The church isn’t without fault in these conversations. Sometimes, worship environments or teaching styles do inadvertently alienate men. But the solution isn’t to swing the pendulum back toward toxic hyper-masculinity. Instead, churches can create spaces where men and women feel valued and challenged to grow.
- Preach the Whole Gospel: Don’t cater sermons to one demographic. Teach the fullness of Scripture, which calls all male and female believers to repentance, growth, and mission.
- Encourage Discipleship: Men need mentors who will challenge them, walk alongside them, and hold them accountable. This isn’t about men’ s-only spaces; it’s about meaningful relationships that reflect the heart of Christ.
- Celebrate Servant Leadership: Honor men who lead by example, not forcefully. Highlight stories of faithfulness, humility, and courage that align with Jesus’s character.
A Call to Something Greater
The conversation about masculinity in the church often gets bogged down in arguments over power and blame. But the gospel calls us to something far more significant. Jesus shows us a way of life where strength is found in service, leadership is rooted in love, and identity comes from God, not cultural expectations.
Men, if you’re feeling alienated or overlooked, consider this: What if God is calling you not to reclaim your place but to reflect His character? What if leadership isn’t about being served but about serving? The world doesn’t need louder men. It needs men who live like Jesus.
~PW 🌮🛶
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”” (Joshua 1:9, ESV)
Phillip W. Martin 
Leave a comment