Learning from My Pride

When I first became a preacher and husband, I thought I had everything figured out. I believed my ability to lead came from hard work, knowledge, and pushing through whatever came my way. I didn’t realize that pride was creeping in, making things more complicated than they needed to be. Looking back, I see that the real battle wasn’t with the challenges around me but with my heart. Pride often hides behind the appearance of competence. It can seem like strength, but it’s a wall that blocks us from seeing wisdom and keeps us from asking for help when needed.

Pride Fights Humility

The Bible is straightforward about pride. Proverbs 16:18 warns us: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” I’ve read that verse countless times, but when I was in the thick of my struggles, I didn’t realize how true it was in my own life. I was too busy proving myself at home and in ministry. The more I tried to keep control, the more isolated I felt. This isolation led to tensions not just in my marriage but also in my leadership. Things were breaking down because I was trying to carry it all alone.

Gregory of Nyssa, an early Christian thinker, emphasized that true humility begins when we acknowledge our limits and rely on God’s grace to lift us. His insights hit home for me when I finally admitted I didn’t have all the answers. That was when things started to change. It wasn’t a quick fix but the beginning of natural growth. I began to see transformation in my relationships—especially in my marriage and how I approached leadership.

Where Growth Happens

The early Christian writers had a lot to say about marriage. Augustine of Hippo, for instance, spoke about the importance of humility in maintaining peace in marriage. He believed that admitting when you’re wrong and seeking forgiveness was crucial to marital harmony. I’ve learned this the hard way. Admitting I was wrong didn’t come naturally, but it was necessary. Augustine’s thoughts mirror my experience, especially as I’ve learned to ask for forgiveness and let go of pride.

Interestingly, modern research supports what Augustine and other early Christian thinkers taught. Studies today show that humility leads to better conflict resolution and stronger relationships. This isn’t just theoretical—I’ve seen it in my marriage. Our relationship deepened when I stopped clinging to the need to be correct and began really listening to my wife. I understood that leading at home wasn’t about having all the answers. It was about serving, being present, and remaining open to change.

The Quiet Divider

C.S. Lewis didn’t hold back when he called pride “the great sin” in Mere Christianity. He pointed out that pride separates us from others and, more importantly, from God. This rang true in my own life. I was so focused on projecting strength that I didn’t even see how much wisdom I was missing out on by refusing to ask for help. Augustine had a similar warning, explaining that pride doesn’t just drive us towards self-reliance but also isolates us from the community, which God designed to help us grow. Humility, however, brings us back into connection—with God and those around us.

Where Wisdom Starts

James 1:5 tells us that if we lack wisdom, we should ask God, and He will give it generously. Looking back, that’s when things started to change for me—when I embraced humility and asked, not just asking God for wisdom but also seeking advice from others. The more I leaned into that, the more I grew—not just as a preacher or a husband but as someone chasing after God’s heart.

Here’s the thing: wisdom doesn’t come from having it all figured out. It comes from being willing to admit that you don’t. It comes from learning, growing, and relying on others. Pride will tell you to keep everything together, but humility reminds us that real strength comes from leaning on God and the people He places in our lives. If life feels heavier than it should right now, maybe it’s time to ask: Is pride standing in the way?

~PW 🌮🛶

References:

• Gregory of Nyssa. (2010). Contra Eunomium II (S. G. Hall, Trans.). In Gregory of Nyssa: Contra Eunomium (Vol. 2). Brill.
• Lewis, C. S. (1952). Mere Christianity. Macmillan.
• Augustine of Hippo. (1997). On Marriage and Concupiscence (P. Holmes, Trans.). In P. Schaff (Ed.), Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, First Series, Vol. 5. Eerdmans.
• Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2011). Religion and Families: An Introduction. Routledge.